Kabuto Yakushi No Baka A Brief OneShot Story
by Sonata16
Summary: This was a short piece of a planned story I made for my friend a while back this year, and I thought I'd see if it gained some popularity or not. If it does, I might actually attempt to make it into something worth Fan Fiction's time and energy.
1. Chapter 1

"Just a question. A simple, stupid, but totally necessary question," Kabuto said, his teeth snapping together in pure irritation as he rounded on Nikki, his black eyes narrowed to slits as he observed the female's bemused expression.

She sat on the bed in the room, her head tilted to the side as she watched him, obviously unaware of the fury and chaos she was invoking in his mind.

"Is it impossible for you to do something so simple as stay where the hell I leave you?!" he spat her, suddenly blowing his top, stalking the short three feet distance between them to grab her by the shoulders; barely resisting the urge to shake her. "Is it that hard to follow my instructions?! Do you have _any _idea at all what the hell you did to me when I came back to the lab and found you weren't there?!"

"I imagine it upset you because you had to postpone your experiments?" she guessed, leaning back, violet eyes wide in alarm, as she took in his furious expression; the flames leaping in his eyes should have been warning enough for her but for some reason she couldn't fathom she just couldn't take a hint tonight.

Normally, the fact that he was so livid with her might have been cause for concern, given she knew the damage he could inflict both physically and mentally when his anger was roused. But tonight, the knowledge that she had given him cause to worry, no matter for what reason, had excited her. She'd relished in the fact of his concern at her miraculous disappearance, and now, just the feel of his hands on her, no matter how brutal or bruising, turned her stomach over in sheer delight. She must be high, she concluded sardonically. Only someone high would have enjoyed how Kabuto was presently treating her… Though, all things considered, it wasn't exactly bad treatment. Just harsher-than-necessary treatment.

"You outrageous female," Kabuto all but snarled at her, then paused, glanced at his hands, and lifted them before her eyes. "I itch, do you hear me? Actually _itch _to throttle you, or shake some fucking sense into you for that matter."

"Are you that annoyed that I threw off your experiment?" she demanded, rather astounded.

"Screw the experiment!" snapped Kabuto, throwing his hands in the air in total exasperation. "Screw it all! The only problem _I _had with your fucking Houdini act was the fact that I didn't fucking know where you fucking were!"

Nikki was very quiet for a moment, staring openly, trying to think of something witty to say, but all she managed to come up with—and she regretted it the moment it came out of her mouth—was, "That's a lot of fucking going on there."

"You…!" Kabuto seized her shoulders yet again in his incredibly powerful grip, his knuckles turning white as his fingers bit down into her skin, "Are _so _close…to making me lose my patience, woman…"

"I thought you'd already lost it," she replied, then bit down hard on her tongue to keep herself from letting out any more stupid comments that may or may not get her killed and/or maimed.

In the mean time, Kabuto had closed his eyes tightly, his expression close to one of pain as he bowed his head, breathing deeply to keep his unruly temper under control. Just watching him was enough to give Nikki the strong impression that she had very nearly pushed his restraint to its breaking point. Why did it seem like today was the day for her to enjoy his misery, she wondered? To be honest, she wasn't even sure if it was his misery that she was enjoying so much as the simple knowledge that her minor escape of a few minutes had been enough to send him reeling with fear for her…at least that's what it felt like…

Perhaps she was simply delusional; being foolish enough to believe that he cared where she was; at least when it concerned _her_. He was a medic, and Orochimaru's medic at that; nothing mattered to him aside from his work and his ill master…and nothing ever would…

"Hey, stupid," snapped Kabuto, and Nikki jolted and yelped in pain as he brought the flat of his hand across the side of her head, knocking her sideways. "Look at me and listen when I'm talking to you! I wasn't finished being pissed off!"

"I doubt you ever will be," she muttered, shoving herself back into a sitting position and gingerly rubbing the side of her skull.

"What did you say?" he growled.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him with her eyes stretched wide, feigning innocence.

He wrinkled his nose in disgust for a moment, then sighed and turned away from her.

"Why do I bother?" he snarled under his breath. "Why do I even bother trying to talk to you? You never take anything I say seriously, so it's just a waste of my breath and my time!"

"Hey, I listen!" she snapped indignantly. "You just don't say anything worth listening to. You're always serious; you never take a fucking break from anything! It's always work and experiments and I get sick of it. If I didn't make a few jokes now and then I'd die of boredom in that stupid lab of yours. Why do you think I got out for a while? I was tired of sitting in there waiting for you to do something worth my attention!"

"Is that what it is?" Kabuto let out a scornful laugh, his eyes hard as he glared at her. "Sheer boredom?"

"I want you to pay attention to me!" she burst out unexpectedly, then cut off short, gasping in horror as she realized what she'd just said.

Her eyes wide, she stared at Kabuto, and he stared directly back at her, his jaw slackening and his eyes bulging as though someone had just hammered him in the gut. His hands, which had maintained a steady grip on her shoulders, suddenly went limp and fell away. He mouthed wordlessly, the image he presented extremely reminiscent of a beached fish, until, seeming to finally compose himself, he closed his mouth, cleared his throat quite loudly, and briefly averted his gaze, apparently incapable of facing her.

"Would you mind repeating that?" he asked, his voice carefully controlled, professional, and it irritated the hell out of Nikki like nothing else in the world could.

"You heard me, you jackass," she snapped. "I wanted your attention! Is it that hard to understand? All you've done since I got here is treat me like some stupid white lab rat! Yeah, I get that's what I'm here for, but it'd be nice if you actually gave me some acknowledgement as a human being every once in a while. I'm not some mindless puppet you can just stab needles with whenever you fucking feel like it! And, just for the record, I hate needles. I really, truly _loathe _them. Don't ask me why, I just do, so I'm doing you some huge favors letting you impale me every other hour of the day."

For some reason, this newly disclosed fact got Kabuto's avid attention, and he looked up at her with his dark eyes large and gleaming with surprise.

"You…don't like needles?" he asked, clearly amazed. "But you've never said anything before. You don't even act like it bothers you; you just sit there and take it. Why the hell didn't you say anything, I could have made a tablet for you to take orally or something!"

Now it was Nikki's turn to look at him. Her violet eyes were enormous as she gazed at him, and Kabuto found himself suddenly entranced by the gleaming night colored orbs.

"But…" Nikki's brow furrowed, "You don't like using pills, because they don't go directly to the bloodstream. You told me that the first day I was here."

That brought Kabuto up short, as he realized she was right. He had been very clear on his dislike of oral medications and experimentations, as they were not as swift in reaching the bloodstream, and therefore not as effective as a direct injection through a syringe…so why was he sitting here telling her if she'd only told him of her dislike for needles that he would have changed the process? _Stupid…!_

"Uh…" He ran a hand through his snowy hair, his eyes darting around the room, as though seeking his answer in his surroundings, but failing to find it. "I just…_ahem_, just because I don't like them doesn't mean I won't use them."

"You told me you wouldn't use them," she contradicted him immediately, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

"Did I?" Did he sound frantic? Damn it all, he did…and he _felt _frantic. His mind was reeling and his heart was beginning to pick up speed, a telltale sign that he was under pressure. "You must have misheard me."

"I didn't 'mishear' anything," she said coolly, and the corner of her mouth twitched in the beginnings of a smirk.

"I'm sure you did," he argued coldly, lifting his nose at her, his coal black eyes narrowing to mere slits. "I know what I said."

"Oh, yeah?" She cocked an eyebrow at him. "I call your bluff, Yakushi."

"You're trying my patience," he growled.

"Where have I heard that before?" she joked. Kabuto didn't smile.

"Just shut up," he grumbled, and surprised her beyond believing by leaning forward and resting his forehead on her shoulder, heaving a deep sigh of resignation as he did so. "I'm so tired right now…you really have no idea how much you manage to wear me out…just by making me worry…"

"…Come again?" she stammered.

Kabuto sighed again, this time sounding tiredly amused, rather than resigned by this point.

"Just shut up," he repeated softly. "Please, please, just shut up, Nikoru…"

Nikki went very still…her mind slowing to a complete halt as she heard his words…heard him say her name… He'd never said her name before…

She felt her heart somersault in her chest, and she didn't realize she was smiling until he turned his head to look up at her, and asked quietly, "Why are you smiling?"

"Why not?" she replied, still smiling down at him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Would you mind not holding your breath when I need as much oxygen in your blood as possible for this?" Kabuto asked idly, tapping his the tip of his pen slowly against the marble countertop in front of him; calmly watching over the rims of his glasses as Nikki forced herself to exhale and inhale deeply, then catch her breath again. "And again, please," he sighed, exasperated, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I am breathing," Nikki snapped at him, her tone irritated, but the minute she stopped talking he heard her breath catch for the fifth or sixth time in the past nine minutes.

"Not enough," he replied caustically, pushing himself up from his stool and crossing the short distance between his desk and the chair where she sat to crouch down and examine the pint-sized bag dangling from the armrest; gathering her blood. Normally, it would have been at least trickling blood into the bag by now—at least with a normal person it would be—but with Nikki, he was lucky it was even dropping blood every few seconds. "Inhale," he commanded, tapping the bag experimentally.

Nikki took a very deep breath.

"Exhale," he said. The breath flowed out of her lungs in a rush. "Repeat."

From her uncomfortable half-sitting, half-reclined position on the worn leather chair, Nikki cast the medic a dark look.

"Do I look stupid to you?" she asked waspishly.

"Do I really need to answer that question?" Kabuto answered wearily, pushing himself back up and tilting his head as he glanced down at her with his silvery eyebrows raised almost to his hairline.

"You think I do!" she gasped, appalled.

"Did I say that?" he sighed, rolling his eyes at the ceiling; one of the fluorescents over head was flickering and it was starting to annoy him… He'd have to get that repaired soon…

"No, you didn't say it," Nikki said tartly, "But you were sure as hell thinking it!"

"Oh, you're telepathic, are you?" Kabuto had to scoff at the mere thought of it as he turned to head back to his desk. "Well, bully for you. Now you're three times as useful as you were when you walked in here this morning."

"You're such an ass," she grumbled, glaring daggers at him.

"Mm-hmm," was the reply she got as Kabuto casually lifted his data clipboard from the edge of his marble desk and began examining the pages on it with a critical eye. Clearly, his conversation with her was done.

She was lucky to get so much of an eye twitch out of him once he got down to making sure his data levels were where he wanted them. It was his vice. If the levels were so much as a smidge out of proportion, he would frown in his usual way, his eyebrows would slant downwards at an almost perfect forty-five degree angle, and his mouth would tighten into a very thin line that always managed to make her think of his master on the few occasions she happened to see the sickly man. Which, thankfully, weren't very often.

But at the moment, Orochimaru was the least of her concerns. After all, it had been nearly a week since her disappearing act and Kabuto's uncharacteristic loss of control as well as it being the first time in three months he had said her name, but so far the medic had barely shown any signs that anything unusual had happened since then. If anything, they were right back to where they had started _before _she'd chosen to up and vanish for all of six minutes.

Now the medic had retreated back into his impenetrable little shell, and she had little hope of getting him back out, unless she managed to pull another vanishing act and set him off like before…

"Whatever you're thinking of doing you might want to wipe it clean out of your head," Kabuto said.

Nikki blinked rapidly, finally realizing that in the time she'd been contemplating a new escape tactic, Kabuto had chosen to look up and apparently had witnessed the look of devious intent on her face.

"I wasn't thinking," she said, for once not actually thinking before speaking, and regretting it instantly.

The smirk that curled Kabuto's mouth was enough to make her want to slap him.

"That wasn't what I meant," she said, grinding her teeth as he turned away slowly, failing to hide his broadening grin in time. "And get that smirk off your face, Yakushi!"

"Ooh, threats now," he chortled, putting down his clipboard. "That's new. I should probably let you know I get at least ten of those a day outside of the hideout."

"Well, now you're getting them _inside _the hideout," she snapped, for lack of anything cleverer to say.

"And I feel so threatened," Kabuto said, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he folded his arms over his chest. "I'm just shaking with fear."

"Oh, shut the hell up," she snapped at him. "You're pissing me off."

"Well, pissing you off gets your blood flowing faster, so I'm not complaining," Kabuto said, his eyes now on the dangling bag beside her chair, which had, mercifully, started to fill with more blood the higher Nikki's blood pressure went.

"I'm sure you're all a twitter," she seethed, glaring balefully at him. "More blood for you. Joy."

She really wanted to hit him now… Knock him so hard across the face or in the gut that he coughed up the blood he seemed to be so obsessed with… He really pissed her off. The stupid, silver haired, four-eyed, snake serving little rat's ass bastard…

Standing across from her, it wasn't hard for Kabuto to see—even from a distance and with his "four-eyes"—that Nikki had surpassed irritation at this point, and was fairly boiling over with pure, unadulterated rage. Now, Kabuto was a clever man; he had to be for all the purposes he served as Orochimaru's right hand man. But there were a few things that he had never, in his whole, albeit young life, managed to understand no matter how hard he tried. And out of all of those things, the one thing that vexed him the most—at it should vex all men—was women.

Women were life's great mystery. In truth, they reminded Kabuto of the fierce cats that roamed through the far off woods of the Fire Country and through the mist cloaked valleys of the Water Country. The cats were violent, belligerent, and if you happened to come up on one unsuspectingly you were more than likely to leave with one or two fewer limbs than you came with. But sometimes you could cross the same cat another day, and it would sit there, sunning itself, and simply yawn as whatever traveler passed by it. And to Kabuto, that was everything a woman was: you could either encounter one and stumble away bleeding, or pass by the next day and receive little to no notice.

At this point, though, watching as Nikki's violet eyes darkened almost to black with unfettered anger as she stared him down, he felt he was approaching a less tolerant cat than if he'd tempted fate another day.

"Alright," he sighed, reclining back against the edge of his desk and raising an eyebrow at Nikki, "I'll bite…What's gotten you so irked, and don't say it's just an overlarge needle and my personality today. You may get overly aggressive when you're pissed off, but I've observed you long enough to know it takes a good amount to get you to that point."

"Observed," she said in disgust. "Because I'm an experiment, I forgot…Not like you can _know_ anything about me, it's what you've _observed_."

Kabuto opened his mouth to respond, but froze as a single, critical piece of the mental data he was processing fell into place, and all at once everything became clear.

"Ah," he said quietly, eyeing Nikki. _Damn…_

This was about feelings…her feelings. Feelings that had no doubt been festering since a week ago when he'd been stupid enough to slip up… _Damn it all…_

He sighed, running a hand agitatedly through his silvery hair and closing his eyes briefly so a temporary blackness washed over him and he could think more clearly. If he was correct in thinking—or even halfway correct, because with Nikki he wasn't stupid enough to assume anything anymore—she was still hung up on that incident a week ago, when she'd managed to slip out from under his nose and sent him into a panicked frenzy. And from there, he'd just completely let his wall break down; something he had promised himself long ago he would never do again. He had thought, then, that it would be of no real consequence, other than that she might be temporarily endeared to him enough that he didn't have to explain himself any further than what he'd let slip on that day, but, once again, it seemed his damned assumptions were getting him into trouble again.

He would have to make a mental note later—and then a whole file after that—never to allow himself to ever assume when a female was involved. It seemed to only serve as a means to get him into deeper and deeper shit than before. He didn't remember once ever being so deeply imbedded in such hell; not even when he was the one required to prepare Manda's sacrificial offering…and those were some piss poor days to be him, honestly.

"Alright then," he sighed, letting his eyes open again to see Nikki's still darkened expression as she watched him. He noted she was slowly drumming her fingers against the armrest of her chair; Nikki didn't drum her fingers… _Shit…_ "Alright…"

"What 'alright'?" she inquired coldly, narrowing her eyes at him as he made his cautious approach.

"Alright, you're pissed," he said with an idle shrug.

"Well spotted, genius child," she said scathingly.

Okay, wrong move, Kabuto thought, pausing just short of her chair and eyeing her warily. Stating the obvious apparently didn't work this time… Or maybe it did and he just hadn't been obvious enough…

"You're pissed," he began again, and her eyes flashed dangerously at him, "Because you think I'm completely negating what happened a week ago. Would that be at least a close guess to the truth? Or would that be a stretch?"

He folded his arms over his chest, one eyebrow quirked at her as her eyes widened for a fraction of a second. He prayed that meant he was at least on the right track; at least she wasn't glaring anymore….

Nikki felt her stomach twist uncomfortably at his words and wished she could believe it had everything to do with the pull of the needle still imbedded in the crease of her forearm, but was smarter than that. She just didn't want to admit to herself that he'd caught her. So she did the only real thing she could at that point and looked in a completely different direction, knowing it would give her away, but not caring at that point. She'd sooner look at the shriveled, pickled remains of whatever the hell was in the jar on the table beside her than keep looking into Kabuto's coal black eyes and give him the satisfaction of looking into her face when he smirked.

But Kabuto wasn't smirking. He was frowning. Nikki never looked away from anyone…she was no coward, and even when she _was _afraid—like he knew she was around Orochimaru—she never let herself show it. So what the hell was she doing looking away from him?

"I thought we'd talked about how I prefer when you look at me when I'm talking to you," he said quietly.

"I don't want to look at you," she said curtly.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because," she paused. "You're hideous."

It was a poor thing to say, she knew, but it was all she could come up with.

"Fair point," Kabuto said, startling her, and when she dared to glance around at him he was half smiling with his eyes closed. "I know I don't quite have the best genetics working for me as far as my attractiveness, but I didn't think you based your opinions on looks."

"I don't," she said, a little bemused now. This wasn't quite the turn she had expected the conversation to take. Then again, it was Kabuto she was talking to. Who knew what went through that guy's head on any day of the week?

"So what's really keeping you from looking at me?" Kabuto asked then, opening his eyes so she quickly averted her own so he didn't catch her watching him. "Oh, you were, huh? I guess you just don't like me looking at you at the same time? Alright, then."

He pivoted on his heel so his back was solidly to her and he was now facing the rows of preserved snake remains that lined the opposite wall while Nikki in turn twisted her head around to stare at his back.

"So, now that I've solved the problem with your uncharacteristic shyness," he said, sighing heavily and tapping the toe of his sandal against the brick flooring under his foot. "Do you mind if we talk now?"

"Are you an idiot?" she asked bluntly.

Alright, that was a bit harsh, thought Kabuto, his eye twitching. Maybe she was just referring to his common sense, which, in truth, wasn't his strongest suit.

"It's entirely possible," he said, shrugging. "Though I've been told for years I'm a medic genius."

"Screw your medical skills, you're an idiot," she said, stunned. "Turn back around; you look like a fool talking to the wall like that."

"I thought you didn't want to look at me, or for me to look at you," he mused.

"Then put a blindfold on or something, don't stand there talking to a wall of dead crap," she said, half laughing. "Or close your eyes, I don't care, just quit staring at the dead stuff."

Kabuto slowly turned around, his eyebrows raised delicately, and when his dark eyes locked with Nikki's he was astounded hen she didn't immediately look away again, but instead met his gaze head on, though he thought perhaps her cheeks darkened a bit despite the fact that her blood was still being drawn.

"So," he said calmly, "You're pissed off at me. I'm guessing because you're still thinking about last week when you disappeared and all the rest of _that _ensued."

Nikki eyed him for a moment, nibbling nervously on her lower lip, then nodded reluctantly.

"Alright," he said slowly, nodding once. "Now, I'm not even going to try to guess the specifics of why you're pissed off—"

"Well, I'm not pissed off anymore," Nikki muttered, cutting across him so he stopped dead, mid-sentence, to ogle her.

For a moment, there was no sound in the lab except for the occasional murmur of a flame sputtering, or the bubbling of a vial, then Kabuto slowly closed his mouth, closed his eyes, and lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He growled, all of a sudden feeling his temper flare.

"No," she said, sounding half amused, half annoyed. "I'm serious. Though now I'm kind of annoyed because you're cussing at me."

"Oh, my—" Kabuto cut himself off before he started yelling. How did that even happen? How did it take less than a minute for her to get him skyrocketing into a part of his temper that very, very few had managed to really arouse in his life? "Alright…alright!"

"Now you're pissed off," muttered Nikki, doing her best not to smirk. She liked this situation. She liked this situation very much.

"No, I'm not," Kabuto said stiffly, yanking his glasses off his face to jam the heel of his other hand into his eyes. White spots danced in front of his black vision as he cursed quietly under his breath.

"You're totally pissed," Nikki said, and couldn't help but snicker.

"And you enjoy that, don't you?" he demanded, opening his eyes but unable to focus on her because of his lack of visual aid. He forced his glasses roughly back onto his nose and glared at her. He felt his blood pressure surge to see her smirking.

"Yeah," she said with an infuriatingly cheeky grin, "You're more honest when you're pissed off. So we can talk now if you want."

"Unbelievable," hissed the medic, staring at her. "Absolutely unbelievable… Are all women like this?"

"Nope," Nikki chimed. "Just me. I'm special."

"Did your mother tell you that?" Kabuto asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes, hands on his hips.

"How'd you know?" she asked, snickering again. Nikki was definitely enjoying this…maybe too much… No, she contradicted herself, she was enjoying this just the right amount.

"Well, your mother raised on hell of a woman," Kabuto informed her coldly.

"She'd be so happy to hear you say that," Nikki replied with a smile.

"Why?" Kabuto asked. "Because it makes you just like her?"

"Nope," Nikki replied with a brief shake of her head, sending her chocolate brown tresses scattering in every direction, "Because now I'm making someone else as miserable as I made her."

Kabuto had nothing to say to that, and it was evident in the way his mouth popped open and he mouthed wordlessly. Once again, Nikki thought he looked just as he had a week ago when he'd made that face: a beached fish, all the way. Complete with black, bug eyes and gasping mouth.

"Unbelievable," he murmured again, his voice almost faint, and he put a hand over his face again, heaving a deep sigh. "Fucking unbelievable…"

"What is so unbelievable?" she asked him at last, rolling her eyes.

Kabuto lifted his head, and looked right into her tempest colored eyes, which were aglow with that mischievous gleam he was becoming so accustomed to seeing every day. And as he felt the smile curving the corners of his mouth he shook his head, sighed and let his hands drop to his sides in defeat as he watched her. She was staring at him as he smiled back at her.

"Why are you smiling?" she demanded, sounding a little uncertain.

He shrugged. "Why not?" he inquired.

Nikki gaped at him for a moment, completely stunned; then felt her own face split into a brilliant smile as her heart turned over.


End file.
